Breakups can be very messy.
And they are never easy.
Yet, no matter how much pain one has to endure throughout the process, almost everyone who has gone through it gets to survive it.
And so will you.
Yes — it can be very painful. The process of healing itself will cause so much heartaches, self-doubt, anxiety, extreme sadness, even trauma. You are used to spending a lot of time and special moments with someone, and then suddenly you have to stop seeing that person. You have to cut them off your life and they will no longer be that special someone anymore. Of course, you’re going to have a gap in your life — a hole in your heart.
The truth is, no matter what caused the breakup, or how the relationship ended, the experience can be very traumatic to many. Even if you say that it is a mutual decision to end a relationship. Even if you say that the relationship ended in peace, and there’s no hatred or grudges between you. As long as you genuinely cared for the relationship while you’re at it, it can still be traumatic.
But it doesn’t have to stay that way. The trauma is just actually part of the process of nursing a broken heart. It doesn’t have to leave a permanent scar, unless you allow it to. True, your world is shattered and your heart may have been blown into a million pieces. Your world has turned upside down — in a bad way. But it won’t stay that way forever.
But how do you really nurse your broken heart after a breakup?
Take Time to Grieve
Usually, the best way to survive the sorrow and pain caused by a broken relationship is to actually grieve it. Most people tend to embrace self-denial and put on a brave facade to cover up the pain that really burns inside. Fake it till you make it, they say. Although this can be helpful sometimes, it is not always good to lie to yourself.
The best way to deal with heartache is to acknowledge that it’s there. You have to acknowledge the pain first before you can try to soothe it.
The pain is real. Feel it. Listen to it. Visualize it. When you have acknowledged its presence, only then can you tend to it.
Let yourself grieve. Give time for yourself to grieve the lost relationship. Grief doesn’t mean you have to wallow in misery and self-pity all-week long. It just means you allow yourself some time to feel and just be. Cry your heart out if that would make you feel better. Do not judge yourself for grieving.
Be careful when talking to people. Most of your friends and family will tell you it’s a waste of time to grieve a lost relationship. Though they mean well, denying yourself the freedom to grieve is generally not healthy for your emotional well-being. Worse, it can even delay your healing process.
Enjoy the Presence of True Friends
While you may not be at your best, there will be those friends who will still stick by your side even if you are such a mess. Spend time with these friends as much as you can, and enjoy their presence.
This doesn’t mean you should pretend to be happy around them when you’re still grieving your breakup. This only means you should allow yourself to be in the company of others from time to time. After all, true friends will understand if they cannot easily cheer you up after a breakup. And they will still love you and choose to be with you nonetheless.
Learn a New Hobby
Learning a new hobby is a good way to keep yourself busy without being reminded of your ex, especially if you are used to doing your old hobbies together. It is also a productive way to keep your mind off your breakup for a while, meet new friends, and get your brain working.
Reminder: Your goal here is to find something new to do and enjoy. This should not be an avenue for you to try to find someone new.
You may find that your new surfing instructor will make a good prospect to replace your ex. But before you start the flirting game, pause and reflect. While opening yourself to a possible new romance is totally fine, make sure that you are fully healed and ready before you do so. Lest you just want to get yourself hurt again — or worse, you end up just using another person as a band-aid for your broken heart, which is so totally not cool.
Take It One Day At a Time
Though many heartbroken people initially think and feel like it’s a struggle to live day by day without the one who held a special place in their hearts, they are still able to survive this struggle. You will too. Just live your life one day at a time.
Keep yourself busy and face each day as you normally would. Go with the flow and you will realize that days will turn into weeks, weeks into months, months into years. Maybe you may have totally moved on by then. Maybe not. But the thing is, healing and moving on are a process which you cannot rush. Some may be fortunate enough to have it soon, while others need to take more time.
Allow Time to Heal
First of all, know that it’s not really the end of the world. And while your heartbreak may seem fatal to you — no, it’s not. In fact, a breakup is just another learning experience that will make you a stronger and better person. Don’t try to blame yourself or your ex that the relationship has come to an end. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was. What matters is that it happened, and it has ended.
Allow time to heal your wounds. Both your broken heart and your blown-up ego. Don’t try to rush things. Trust the process. It will happen.
Breakup may be the worst experience at the time it happened — but when you have moved on and you look back, it actually is a big turning point of your life. It is the kind of experience that makes you who you are. It can really be genuinely liberating.
And while you think that empty space in your heart will never be whole again, this experience actually just opened the space and made it available until it’s filled by the one who should really be part of your life.
“When the wrong people leave your life, the right things start happening.”